Bad Week

My mom's back went out while we were in Boston. The doctor told her that she has degenerative disk disease and some arthritis. Unfortunately, she is almost bedridden and is on Vicodin and Valium to help with the pain. I am having a terrible time taking care of her and the house and her business and Amelia too. Tomorrow I am taking her to a spinal pain clinic. I hope they can help. Ross is terrified that I am going to wear myself out and get really sick. Frankly, I am too. I am so freaking tired.

Everything is so complicated. I am not supposed to be in crowds or around sick people
so when I take my mom to the doctor, I have to bring Amelia and sit in the car while she goes in. I drove around for 2 hours on Thursday waiting for her.

I am also losing some hair. It isn't noticeable on my head, but when I shower quite a bit is falling out. Ugh.

And Ross sold his share in his company on Friday and thought he was going to get a contracting position right away, but the new company didn't have an answer for him. I hope he hears something soon.

I am just so sick of our lives being so chaotic.

Dreams

I had less nausea today which was good, although I was still pretty tired. I fell asleep rocking Amelia down for her nap. I went to bed really late last night and then didn't sleep well. I have been having bad dreams. They aren't quite nightmares, but are just unpleasent. I dreamed that there was a stain on a dress I couldn't get out and my mom was too busy to help me. I felt really frustrated. They have all been sort of like that. I read that Prednisone could cause bad dreams, so maybe that is it.

Nausea and Exhaustion

I think I am feeling a little more nauseated every day. I woke up this morning and sort of felt sick to my stomach even before I took the Cytoxan. Taking the Compazine with the Cytoxan hasn't really helped compared to taking it after I start feeling sick. I was pretty ill for a couple hours today, but started feeling better after lunch.

Amelia has maybe outgrown her swing which is unfortunate. She keeps trying to rock forward out of it and would have landed on her head if I wasn't there. It is really close to the ground, so her falling out of it isn't quite as scary as it sounds, but I still think that she is probably done with it. I hate to quit using it though because she takes her naps in it. I tried to put her down for a nap in the crib today and she kept startling herself back awake. Finally, I got the idea to swaddle her like we do at night and that helped a lot.

My mom was gone a lot of day and I didn't really get a break taking care of Amelia. Then around 9pm, I really crashed. My back started killing me and I just couldn't hardly keep my eyes open. I laid down on the couch, but didn't sleep for about an hour while my mom held Amelia. I feel better now, but the sudden exhaustion was hard.

Swaddling is Critical

Amelia woke up really early this morning. She started crying and when I looked in the crib I could see that she had gotten out of her swaddler. Normally she sleeps about 9-10 hours, but anytime she breaks out of it, she wakes up early. I know I am crazy lucky to have a 4 month old baby that sleeps almost every night for 10 hours in a row. How ironic that I am up every 90 minutes to pee, huh?

In any case, she did go back to sleep after about an hour (as did I) and we both slept in pretty late. I actually wasn't too fatigued today, which was really nice. Only once did I think about laying down for a nap, and of course I couldn't because Amelia was awake and ready to play.

I had some nausea before lunch again today, but it wasn't bad. I didn't take a Compazine. I really think I would end up less sick if I would eat lunch earlier, but I never seem to have time. It's hard to eat until Amelia goes down for a nap and sometimes that isn't until 2pm. Today when I started feeling sick I ate a spoonful of peanut butter and that seemed to help.

I finally got my nails painted tonight after Amelia went to sleep. The first time I quit biting them, having them painted all the time really helped. I am hoping that helps me stop biting them again. Unfortunately, it has been so long since I painted them (since before Amelia was born) that my correction pen dried up. And my nails are so short, I really have paint on alot of the skin. They sort of look like a mess. Maybe I can get a new correction pen tomorrow or the next day. It's much easier not to bite 'pretty nails'.

If the paint doesn't work, I am going to have to try some sort of behavior modification techniques like journaling or something.

Well, it is just about midnight and I am actually tired again so I should get right to bed. If I miss my 'tired' window, I will be up till 2am again.

Tired

All I can think about is how tired I am, which I suppose is good. The prednisone isn't giving me insomnia tonight. Goodnight.

Nasty Habit

I went to labs today and dropped by Dr. Awadh's office since I knew he had clinic this morning. He looked at my finger and said that if the swelling hadn't gone down by Wednesday I would have to come back. Looking at it tonight though, I actually think it is better. I really don't want them to have to lance it or anything.

Dr. Awadh also was like, "Have you quit biting your nails?" I said, "Now, I have." But I keep finding my fingers in my mouth. I take them out, but it is really hard habit to break. Ross was supposed to bring my fingernail polish tonight so I could paint my nails, but forgot. I don't usually bite them if they are painted, but it is hard to keep them that way. Hopefully I can get them painted tomorrow.

I didn't take a Compazine today. I was driving myself to labs this morning and started feeling sick, but didn't have one with me. The nausea went away after 15 minutes or so. I had a few more waves of it today, but nothing like last Friday.

(Ugh.. just caught myself biting my nails again! stop Stop STOP!! Ughg!!)

My fatigue has been pretty bad today. I was rocking Amelia to sleep tonight and about fell asleep in my mom's rocker (which is not very comfortable). After I put her in her swing to nap, I barely made it into bed before I passed out. I feel like I just suddenly get incoherent from exhaustion sometimes now.

I just read an interesting article about a young woman with WG from Self magazine.

Good Weekend

It was a really nice weekend.

Yesterday morning Ross and I went back to our house and gathered up a few more things to bring to my moms. We also got my car so I will be able to drive myself to my labs. I am hopeful that I will stay feeling good enough to be able to do that. The Cytoxin has made me a bit nauseated everyday around noon, and I would say I have been getting progressively more tired each afternoon. However, I have been doing tons of Amelia's care on my own and have been really active, so some of my fatigue might be from that. Today was actually the first time I have had to nap in about a week.

Last night Robin and Adam came over and we had a fantastic time. They brought pizza. I made bubble tea and we talked for several hours while Jackie and my mom looked after Amelia. As much as I hated to quit breastfeeding, it was pretty nice for someone else to be able to feed her while I talked with my friends.

The prednisone is making my face look awfully round and fat. They call it 'moonfaced'. I am also getting more facial hair. Ick. Well, since dog training is out for a while, maybe I can apply for a 'freak' position at the state fair. I don't think that requires anything more strenuous than smiling politely at people.